Common Risk Factors

Infidelity is a devastating experience that can shake the foundation of even the strongest relationships. While rebuilding trust, communication, and intimacy is possible, it is important to understand some of the common risk factors that can lead to infidelity in the first place. By recognizing and addressing these vulnerabilities, couples can take proactive steps to strengthen their relationship and prevent betrayal. Here are some risk factors that can contribute to infidelity:

Unmet Needs From Childhood

Many people show up to adulthood with unresolved emotional wounds from childhood. Sadly, a lot of people mistakenly believe that they are "fine" since they did not experience 'major' trauma. If you were raised by human beings then you did not escape childhood without some issues. Do not underestimate how vulnerable you are if you have never done any inner-child work.

Unresolved childhood issues does not mean that you will cheat, but it does make you uniquely vulnerable to it.

Chronic Villain Narrative

A "villain narrative" is when one partner has a negative story in their mind about their partner. This negative story becomes the normal way a person views their partner. Relationship researcher, John Gottman, calls it "negative sentiment override."

This negative narrative can create justification for seeking connection outside the marriage. Shifting from blame to empathy and understanding is essential for keeping emotional closeness and mutual respect alive.

Sexless Marriage

A lack of physical intimacy can leave one or both partners feeling disconnected, making it easier to look outside the marriage to meet emotional or physical needs. Sex is an important part of a healthy marriage, fostering emotional closeness as well as physical connection. Addressing issues around intimacy and making it a priority helps reduce vulnerability to infidelity.

Unrealistic Expectations of Marriage

Many people enter marriage with romanticized and often unrealistic expectations of how to do marriage. This is one of the main reasons why the first few years of marriage are often rocky. It doesn't take long to see that what was expected is different from reality. You must divorce the fantasy of marriage that is in your head so that you can learn how to do life with the stranger in your bed.

When you believe that your fantasy is real and your reality doesn't match, the disillusionment can lead to seeking the idealized version of love outside the marriage. That is a trick! You are going to hurt yourself.

Unable To Resolve Conflict Effectively

Some couples avoid conflict entirely, believing it will preserve peace. In reality, unresolved issues can build up, causing emotional distance and resentment. Conflict is a natural part of any relationship, but how it’s handled makes a difference. Being in a committed relationship should also mean being committed to learning how to resolve conflict. 

Marriage does not go sideways because of what happens in the marriage, but instead how a couple handles what happens in the marriage. You can overcome anything if you have the right skills.

Recognizing these risk factors is an important first step in safeguarding your marriage. If any of these resonate with your current situation, having open and honest conversations with your spouse is essential. By addressing these issues head-on, you can avoid some of the pitfalls that lead to infidelity.

I'll end with this thought: Do not forget that there is a real enemy of marriage. Marriage is God's idea and satan wants to destroy anything that brings God honor and glory. When you are tempted to step outside your marriage, even if you think it is harmless, I promise you it is a trap! You need the power of the Holy Spirit protecting you and your marriage because the enemy has brought down bigger people than you. Do not allow pride to make you think you are safer than you are. These streets are ruthless.

Suggested reading: Proverbs 5

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